Once Upon A Time...

So, this is my first "official" blog. I've been using Tumblr for a couple of years now, but it is not something that I would write my personal thoughts on. I had been thinking about setting up a blog because I enjoy writing, but I never found a site that I liked. I found this site because of my friend Jesse :) After reading some of the blogs from him and other people on the site, I realized that it would be a good place to put my thoughts, good or bad. I want to be able to look back and read what was going on in my life at the time. How about a story of my life up until this point...

Quick background of my parents and blood siblings. My parents got married in 1982. My mom had a few secretarial jobs and my dad got a job for BNSF. They had my first brother, Jacob, in 1985 in La Grande, OR. My parents decided after having Jacob that my mom wasn't going to work anymore. Not too long after, they moved over to Boise, ID where my sister, Danell, was born in 1986, and my brother, AJ, in 1988. They decided to move out of the city and found a place in Emmett, ID. I was born in Emmett in 1990. When I was two years old, we moved up to Anaconda, MT. Since my dad was constantly taking new jobs, we would typically stay in one city for about a year. They then packed up and moved down to Sparks, NV outside of Reno the end of 1992. My sister, Leslie, was born in Reno in 1993.

We moved to Anaconda in 1992, and my parents had some really good friends there, Wayne and Kristy Miller. They had seven kids together. Their youngest is the same age as my oldest brother Jacob. I remember that they had cats, so their basement always smelled like them. They said that every time we went over, I would give Wayne a big bear hug. One night when we went over, I got out of the car and Wayne said, "Come and give me a hug!" Since he asked for it, I decided to be a brat and said, "Hug the cat!" I guess I didn't like doing what people asked. We would sit around and play Sega every time we went over to visit. I learned how to play Sonic the Hedgehog and Ecco the Dolphin. My love for video games began when I was two. One of the brothers also taught me how to light a lighter one day, and remember that I was only two! What a smart girl I was... One of their daughters, Tonya, was addicted to me. She always wanted to babysit me and dress me up and do random things. The last time I saw her, she cried when she talked about her memories she had of me. Their oldest, Michelle, has three kids now and one of them is in high school! The rest of them are also married and have children, but it's crazy to think that I hung out with these "kids."

In 1993, we had been living in Reno, but I don't have any memory of our life there. We didn't live there for too long.

By 1994, we moved over to Joseph, OR so my mom could take care of her mom because she was getting really sick. She was 82 years old. My real grandma, Sue, had my mom when she was 16, so my great grandma adopted my mom and raised her. The year that we lived in Joseph was probably the best year of my life so far, even though I was only three and four years old at the time. The population is only 1,300 approximately, so everyone knew everyone. Jenny Dalton and her family lived across from us. She was 14 at the time and she would come over and help baby sit on occasion because my great grandma had an unofficial daycare service. She lived with her parents and brother, Jeremy. My oldest brother Jacob and Jeremy are still friends to this day. We still see them and their family every year in July for Chief Joseph Days. Right behind our house, and across the alley, was Jack and Jody. They had two kids, BJ and Carrie, but they were older, so I don't remember them much from when I was little. They're both married now with careers and children. Jack and Jody's house was one of my favorite places to go. I would go over and help wash dishes, clean and brush the horses, go to the arena and ride their horses with them, watch television or movies, and pretty much anything else I wanted to do. My mom said that I was over there almost every day that we lived there. They smoked cigarettes, and I always think of them whenever I smell that specific kind. After we moved away, I would spend a month out of every summer with them. We would always take the horses and go up into the mountains to camp for a few days and just do whatever. It was the highlight of all of my summers until I stopped when I was 14. My best friend in 1994 was Jay. He lived about eight blocks away, so I was able to walk there myself. I only remember us doing two different things. We would either watch The Lion King and then reenact the movie on his trampoline or we would go fishing in the creek by his house. Jay had a brother, Casey, and he was friends with my brother AJ. Jay doesn't remember me, but his brother and parents still do. They just remember me as being a little blonde girl with dimples. Good thing my dimples are still around :) There are a few distinct memories from Joseph that I think about often. I specifically remember my color changing Lion King spoon. It had a purple Simba head for the handle and the spoon turned pink when you put it in milk. Never ate cereal without it. Whenever I got any money, I would always by the Fruit Stripes gum because I loved the tattoos that were on the wrappers. My favorite place for ice cream, and still is, was R&R. They have the cheapest, but best, ice cream out of any place I have ever been. I would wake up at 5 AM every morning just so I could watch Sailor Moon. When I was rollerblading one day, I fell in some rocks and both of my hands were literally covered in splinters. I wouldn't let my mom take them out, so she took me to the doctor. I was a cowgirl through and through. I still have quite a bit of cowgirl left in me, and it definitely shows when I'm in the right environment. I learned how to ride a horse before I learned how to ride a bike, and I still love it. For Christmas in 1994, I got a cowgirl Barbie that came with a matching outfit for me to wear. My mom said I wore it out pretty quickly. Every July, they have Chief Joseph Days to celebrate the Native American tribes that lived there. There's a carnival, rodeos, parades, and street vendors that line up for the week. There's dances after the rodeos and breakfasts served at the legion and at the rodeo grounds every morning. They also have private Native American activities that they do on top of everything else. It's still the highlight to my summers since we still go almost every year. I get motion sickness, so I have never been able to enjoy the carnival as much as other people, but it serves as a family reunion for my mom's side of the family. The population goes from 1,300 to 3,000 or more during that week. There's a snake road that I got sick on almost every time we drove on it. Since it's the only way to get there, it was inevitable. Back on track here. The end of 1994 was really hard for my mom because my Grandma Sue decided that it would be best to move my great grandma up to a home in Wenatchee where she lived. I remember going to the small airport there to see her leave. My mom said that she asked my great grandma if she wanted to go, and she shook her head no since she couldn't really speak at this point. She was really unhappy being moved up there and refused to eat anything. She passed away really soon after she left. It makes me cry just thinking about it because I know that my mom's heart was broken, and to this day she gets really sad when she talks about it. As you can see, my dad isn't mentioned because I only have a couple of memories of him from my childhood. He was never really there, but he always came around to move us to the next city every year. After my great grandma passed away, nothing was keeping us in Joseph, so we moved up to Battleground, WA.

The sign you see as you're driving into Joseph

Only a few major memories came from when we lived in Battleground. We moved there at the end of 1995. During the year that we lived there, there was a big flood in the beginning of 1996. Here's the link to a summary: http://vulcan.wr.usgs.gov/Volcanoes/MSH/Hydrology/Floods/summary_8feb96_flood.html. The water was so high that we had to have policemen escort us from the school bus to our parents or houses. This was also the year that my brothers broke my arm. We had a trampoline, that we ended up having until 1999, and my mom told us that only three people could be on it at a time. My brother Jacob, his friend, and I had been jumping on it. My brother AJ decided that he wanted to jump around with us too. My brother Jacob playfully pushed me and I landed on the other side. Of course my brother AJ, who was jumping around the circumference of the trampoline, was in mid air right by me and landed right on my arm. Of course I cried, and my mom came out to get me. She said that I didn't cry for too long, so she didn't think it was serious. We waited five days before going to the doctor and found out that it was broken. That's when we learned about my high pain tolerance. I ended up getting a purple cast because it was my favorite color. I ruined one of the couch's arm rest because I always forgot, and my cast would get snagged on the fabric. Oopsies! Playing in the sandbox in the backyard was one of my favorite things to do. One day, my friend and I got the bright idea to fill my cast with sand. Worst idea of my life. I itched and itched and itched until the day I got my cast off. I remember the doctor taking everything off and seeing all of the sand and the rash on my arm. My favorite place to eat was Burgerville. We still always stop and get a burger with their famous sauce and a milkshake. At this point, Leslie was three years old. When we were at the store one night, my mom had to go to the bathroom, but there was no toilet paper. My mom left me and Leslie in the bathroom and told us to wait while she went around the corner to get some from the associate. The bathroom door was one that automatically closes. Leslie and I were peeking around the corner and spying on my mom when the door closed on Leslie's finger. I remember running out of the store with Leslie over my mom's shoulder and blood dripping on my mom's coat. She lost her whole fingernail that day. She had to get stitches and had a big bandage. Of course it had to be her middle finger, so whenever she wanted to show people, she would flip them off. She didn't know what it meant, and neither did I, so everyone thought it was funny. She learned how to ride a bike not long after this happened, so we have pictures of her on a bike with her big, bandaged finger. The beginning of 1997 was when we moved to Post Falls.

Things were good, and I really liked living here. We lived outside of town so we could have mules and horses. The mules names were Claudia, Gus, and Bernerd, and our horse was named Taja. We also had a black lab named Tasha. Tasha ended up having two puppies, Moe and Sissy. I loved living out in the country because we could do almost anything we wanted, and we were always entertained. Our neighbors had two boys the same age as me and Leslie, so we were always playing with them. I always made sure to wake up early enough so I could eat breakfast and watch Pokemon before I left for school. After school, I would either be playing Crystal Caves or Prince of Persia on the computer, or I would be playing with Seth and Ethan from next door. Life was simple. The only things I remember about my dad was that he would always fight with my mom when he was home. Since he worked for the railroad, he was always gone on trips.

Prince of Persia

In 1998, my dad told my mom that he was leaving us for another woman. This woman was his co-worker's wife, and he had been seeing her for a little while. He packed up his things and left. My mom hadn't worked in about 15 years, and my dad wasn't giving her much money to live off of. She went and did a program through NIC and got a job at Jacklin Seed where she still works to this day. Since we were all still fairly young, we didn't really know what was going on. Our lives didn't change too much because we didn't spend much time with our dad in the first place. It affected my mom more than I thought. A couple of years ago she told me that for almost a year she would only eat like a yogurt a day and not much more than that. She was depressed and lost, and she lost a lot of weight from it. Since I was little, I would have never noticed something like that, but sometimes I wish I would have. My mom didn't make a lot of money, but we were never really effected by it. If we needed something, we could get it.

After a while, my mom couldn't afford the house payments that my dad left for her to pay, so we moved into a duplex in town by 1999. It was small, but it worked for us. My dad started calling us more often and saying that he wanted to spend time with us. This was the year that he took all of us on a road trip down to California to go to Disneyland and spend time with his family because he was raised there. He took four of us kids, Danell didn't go, his girlfriend Lisa, and three of his Lisa's kids. Her kids were twins Tessa and Reis, who are a year older than me, and Tygh, who is my age. After we came back, my dad started to bribe us with things so that we would move down to Prineville, OR where him and his girlfriend lived. It worked, and all of us kids moved down there with him for a year.

The happiest place on Earth

I was in third grade while we lived there. We lived about five miles out of town out in the country with land, horses, and mules. We had two Minx cats, Big Kitty and Little Kitty. I was in band, and I played the recorder. Of course I was super cool since I was in band. I had also joined the swim team, so I was up at 4:00 AM every day that we had practice before school. After school, we had to go to the Boys and Girls Club until Lisa got off of work to pick us up. Lisa was an alcoholic, so she would be drinking almost every time she was driving us around. Sometimes, my dad or Lisa would give us money to get an ice cream cone from Tasty Treat. It was good, but not nearly as good as R&R. My dad hated Pokemon, so Lisa would buy us Pokemon cards and Pokemon games to keep us preoccupied. If my dad saw any of it, he would burn it. I remember that I used to hustle Pokemon cards on the playground. Pokemon cards were not allowed at school. One day, I convinced a first grader that my Caterpie was better than his holographic Charizard, and he traded me. How horrible! I still have all of my Pokemon cards. During the daytime, we weren't allowed to be inside of the house. We either had to be in the barn or outside until dark. We had a long driveway that we played the Wizard of Oz on, we put each other into the large meat freezer outside to see who could stay inside of it the longest, we played our Pokemon cards or games in the barn, or went to a friend's house to play. My dad and Lisa didn't like driving us anywhere, so we would have to walk to our friend's houses. My best friend Jessica lived about a mile away. I went to her house all the time and did the same thing every time. We would start by brushing her horse, go dance to the Now 1 CD, and then watch Dirty Dancing. Leslie had a friend named Brett that lived near Jessica, so we would go over there to play Nintendo 64. We would play Golden Eye, Pokemon Snap, or Zelda. I also remember that the first time I watched Jaws was at that house. The woman there babysat a lot of kids, so there was always something to do. We eventually found out that her brother that lived there was molesting some of the kids. I'm glad that me and Leslie didn't spend time with him when we were there. There was a kid that lived across a small field from us. He lived in a really nice house with a lot of nice things, including a PlayStation and big screen television. This is where I learned how to play Spyro and Crash Bandicoot. I thought it was really cool that he had all of these nice things cause we had to sleep on the floor with sleeping bags while we lived there and we had one television that my dad had control of. For Leslie's birthday that year, she got a Furby. It was the first one I had ever saw, and I fell in love. I thought it was the coolest thing on the planet. I ended up getting a Gizmo one from Gremlins, and I still have him today. At some point, my dad and Lisa went to Las Vegas to go to the PBR Finals, and they got married while they were there. We just stayed at the house by ourselves for the most part while they were gone. They thought it would be better to keep it a secret that they were getting married. Since Lisa was now our step mom, my dad forced us to tell her that we loved her or we would get in trouble. When we got in trouble, Lisa would drive us a few miles away from the house, usually somewhere we don't know, and make us walk home so we could have time to think about what we did. The boys would get dropped off in one spot and the girls would be dropped off in a different spot. If someone did something, like make a mess and not clean it up, and nobody would confess, we would all get whacked, or spanked, with the board. This board was a few feet long and had holes drilled into it. It eventually broke when AJ was getting whacked. Buns of steel! My dad and Lisa tried to keep my mom from coming and seeing us, so my mom had to involve the local police. I remember that the police made us choose to either go down to the police station or go with my mom until we could go to court. Leslie and I went with my mom that day. After court, it was legally documented that my dad couldn't keep her away, so she came to visit us as often as she could.

Lisa's dad owned a couple pieces of property a few more miles outside of town. When he passed away, she took over ownership of both places. We sold our house and moved out to his main house. Between the two properties, we had 22 horses, a bunch of chickens and two roosters, a couple cats, and four dogs. Bill, our border collie, had a litter of five puppies. And one of the cats had a litter of kittens. We were even more secluded from everyone else, so we had even more things to do. Our favorite game to play on the farm and in the fields was CSI. My dad and Lisa decided to build an addition so we wouldn't be so crowded in the house, so we spent most of our time in there. During this time, I remember my dad being arrested for "domestic violence." Lisa had been making a dish for the missionaries that had alcohol in it, and my dad told her to remake it without the alcohol. They went to the back bedroom to fight, and she grabbed a hot iron and was swinging it at his face. He kicked her in the stomach to push her away. The police took him away for that night. Not too long after that, my dad was kicking Danell out of the house, and my mom came and picked her up.

Prineville, OR

At this point in time, my mom moved in with her friend Gwen into a small house. It was a tight fit, but it was only temporary. My mom had dated a few guys before, but didn't stay with any of them for long. By the summer of 2000, she had met John. He has three kids; Julie, Kenneth, and Jennifer. Leslie and I decided to move back up with my mom, and when she came to pick us up, John had come with her. None of us liked John or his kids from the start. She forced us to move into his trailer that he had. It was a four bedroom, one bathroom trailer. After a little while, Jacob and AJ moved back up here as well. Leslie, Jennifer, and I shared one room, Jacob and AJ shared one room, Kenneth had his own room, and Danell slept on the couch. Julie was older, so she was living with her mom. Kenneth had his own room because he wet the bed until he was 16. Living with John and his kids was a nightmare. Jennifer cried about anything and everything to get her way. Kenneth would steal mine and my sister's clothes and wear them. Sometimes he would even wear them in the shower. He would never take Jennifer's, just mine and my sisters. John was just mean to us all the time. My mom and John got married on 01/01/01. My mom and John had eventually bought a house to remodel, and we moved into the new house a year later.

I was in 6th grade when we finally moved in to the house that we are still living in. I have been living in the same room since the day we moved. By this time, Kenneth and Jennifer were constantly stealing our things, and Kenneth was still trying to take our clothes. One night, my mom came out and saw Kenneth wearing my robe and slippers while he was walking around the house at 2 AM. Since they were stealing from us, we got locks put on all of our doors, but we weren't allowed to lock them at night in case of a fire. Instead of Kenneth just leaving us alone, he would sneak into our rooms at night. I remember one night he came in and stole a Tech Deck from me, and before he left my room, he came over and was running his finger up and down my back. He thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. I never said anything about it. I know that he had gone into Leslie's room a couple times as well, but she said nothing happened. Even though Jennifer and Kenneth would have our things in their room, they never got in trouble because John would always say, "You can't prove that they took it. You could have put it in here just to get them in trouble." At that point, I started to lock my room, even when I was home.

Post Falls, ID

In 2002, Leslie had decided to move back down to Oregon to live with my dad and step mom Lisa. I didn't really talk to her much while she was there, but she came back up in January 2003. When my dad was at work one week, my step mom packed up everything in their house, including my dad's dogs, and left. Their divorce was final not too long after that. My dad found out that she hadn't been paying taxes, so he owed the IRS a lot of money. He was broke for a long time, and lost 40 pounds because he couldn't afford to eat much.

In 2005, my dad met Jennifer. She also has five kids, but they are a bit older than us. I remember meeting her for the first time at Olive Garden. We all had a family dinner, including my mom and step dad. That night, he told us that they were getting married. It was a big shock since we had just met her and we hadn't even met her kids or family. They got married in Missoula, MT in the spring of 2006. We didn't really see them much since we didn't have a relationship with my dad. Jennifer didn't like us, so she didn't ever want us coming over to his house to visit. Instead of my dad standing up for us, we just didn't see him very often. She liked being able to not work and spend every penny of my dad's money, and she didn't want him giving us any money.

Gibson Mansion where my dad got married

I lost my virginity when I was 14 to a 24 year old firefighter. He kept a grip on me until I was 17. I was still 14 when I started dating guys. My first boyfriend was Kenny, and we dated for like three weeks right before school started. In September of my freshman year, I started dating Kyle. I never really liked him, but I felt too bad to say no when he asked me out. We dated for a few weeks and I broke up with him because I told him the truth about me not really liking him. Winter of my freshman year was when I dated Tyler for a few weeks. In March of 2006, I met Bryce. We hung out almost every single day for the two months that we dated. I thought that I was in love with him. My brother AJ had been dating this girl Alicia for about a year. Alicia started to write Bryce on MySpace. Bryce started to lie to me about what he was doing and who he was with. He broke up with me for Alicia. It was funny because she would constantly message me on MySpace asking why Bryce would never take her out to dinner or do anything. Bryce was always taking me out to different places, and she knew that. Typically when you're a slut, guys don't waste their money on dinner because you're going to give it up to him anyways. I could have said that to her, but I kept it civil and told her to not talk to me. Since I was so attached to Bryce, I fell into a deep depression that is still active to this day. I didn't really do anything that summer. Within six months I had gained 60 pounds. In August of 2006, I met Cameron. He was one of the first guys that I had talked to since Bryce. I immediately started liking Cameron. He and I talked almost every day for a long time. Even when he would be dating another girl, I still liked him. Something that he said to me, that will stick with me forever, was, "I love you mentally, but you would have to lose weight before I dated you." I don't think that anyone had ever said something so hurtful to me. Even though he felt that way, we still talked frequently.

Me at the beginning of Freshman Year

By the beginning of sophomore year, I secluded myself from everyone. I didn't really want many friends because I just wanted to be alone most of the time. Instead, I started to just hook up with almost any guy that would give me attention. I wouldn't talk to a guy for more than a week, on average. I had one friend, Trisha, that I would spend all of my spare time with. When I got my driver's license, I begged my parents to help me pay for a car. My mom wanted to help, but John always said no because he didn't want to pay for everyone else to get a car. My brother Jacob eventually gave me his old '88 Honda Accord that I drove up until last year. I got a job at Subway in October of 2007. I would always take sandwiches from work and take them to Danell's boyfriend's house to eat while we partied. I was drinking every weekend for like five months and sometimes on the weeknights. Sometimes when I would stay the night with Trisha, I'd leave in the night to go meet up with a guy for a few hours and then come back before morning. Hooking up with guys would make me feel loved and cared for, even if it was just for only 30 minutes. I didn't feel loved any other time. Towards the end of my sophomore year, I became friends with Nikki. Nikki and I would go to shows, chain smoke cigarettes, smoke weed, and get drunk. I remember one night when we were drinking at a show, and I had been drinking the least. Since I was the least drunk, I was designated to be our driver for the night. We went to Taco Bell about four times within an hour. When we had finally picked up everyone and went through the drive thru for the final time, we were going to just park in the parking lot there. Instead of hitting the brake, I hit the gas and the car smashed the little cement block that makes sure you don't end up on the sidewalk. Well, we were on the sidewalk. So we ended up just driving off and saw the damage the next day. They had to replace the cement block. I had started dating Gerry around this time. Him and I only dated for a week. He broke up with me because of a comment someone wrote on my MySpace. After him and I broke up, I swore off of having boyfriends. It's been almost six years since I've had a boyfriend. Hanging out with Nikki and all of the friends that she had was exciting and exhilarating. While I was friends with Nikki, I was always blowing Trisha off because her and I never had this much fun. I had a couple of other friends, but I didn't hang out with them for very long. During this time, I still had feelings for Cameron. It sucked because the main reason that he talked to me was when he and his girlfriend would break up and he needed someone to talk to. I was always there for him.

Me and Nikki inside of Walgreen's

Since my mom and John's anniversary is New Year's Day, they always got a hotel in Spokane to stay for a few days. While they were staying there, it made it easy for us to go to First Night Spokane. New Year's Eve of 2007/2008, my step sister Jennifer decided to stay in town instead of come with us. In February of 2008, she told my step dad John that she was raped that night and that she was now pregnant. He made her an appointment at Planned Parenthood for an abortion. When they did the ultrasound, they found that she got pregnant in early December. She was lying about the rape so he would pay for it. In March of 2008 was when she had the abortion, and my step dad paid for all of it. She still tried to claim that she was raped that night, but she was a habitual liar and we knew that it wasn't true. She used the abortion as an excuse to not go to school anymore, so she got transferred to an alternative school in town. Since she didn't have a job, my step dad decided to buy her a car as well. We fought for months about why he bought a car for her but wouldn't give me a dime to help me with buying my own car. Julie had her daughter Aalyssa in 2007. Her and her boyfriend got caught with a lot of drugs in their house, so he went to prison and she had to do 15 weekends in jail. She had to move in with us so we could watch Aalyssa while she was in jail. After her boyfriend got out of jail, him and his other daughter moved in with us, and they all lived with us for about six months or so. In July of 2008, Jennifer got pregnant again. By the time she realized it, she was 14 weeks along, so she couldn't get the abortion in Spokane because the cut off is 13 weeks. My step dad was willing to pay for a second abortion. My mom had been paying for her to have birth control, but she decided to not take it. Her son, Ayden, was born in April of 2009. My step dad had eventually kicked all of his kids out of the house at some point. None of them can hold a job for long.

In October of 2009, I met Heather and Amber. The first time we all hung out was for my 19th birthday. My parents got me a condo for a couple nights out on Coeur d'Alene Lake. I didn't really have many friends, and I had just met Heather at work. Amber is Heather's sister, so she came with her even though I had only met her once. Jordan and Marshall also came with us. I had known Jordan for a while, but I had only met Marshall one time before. We started drinking about 4 PM and didn't stop until about 11 PM. We drank a fifth of Jack Daniels, a fifth of rum, some beer, and some Jaegermeister. We had one small piece of pizza to eat that day. Amber, Marshall, and I were pretty much the only ones really drinking. We went outside and ran around the property and out to where they have the private boats launched. Around 11 PM, I went into my bedroom to lie down. Marshall walked in and said, "Do you feel okay? You don't look too good." As he's saying that, I'm leaning over the bed to throw up. That's the last thing I remember before blacking out. Next thing I know, I wake up half naked, pulled off the bed and half-way to the bath tub. Marshall was holding my head, "Sara, Sara, Sara. Don't close your eyes. You can't close your eyes. Please stay awake." It was about 3 AM. For the next 30 minutes or so, Marshall is shoving his finger down my throat to make me throw up. I had thrown up all over the floor, the walls, and all over Marshall. He asked Amber to start filling up the bath tub so I could get washed up. Even with the slightest movement, I would just start throwing up again. Somehow the bathroom door got locked with the bathtub running inside, and it started to overflow into the condo. They used every towel that they could find to try and soak up all of the water. After it had gotten into the bathroom, closet and carpet, they were able to get the bathroom door open and shut off the water. At about 4:30 AM, I was able to finally get in the shower and lay in bed. I spent the whole next day cleaning the walls and trying to wash the towels and blankets. It was probably one of the best, worst nights of my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. It helped spark the beginning of some beautiful friendships.

The Arrowpoint Condos

In February of 2010, AJ had a motorcycle accident. He was riding his motorcycle in front of his house, just back and forth. He wasn't going very fast, but he wasn't wearing his helmet. He dumped his bike and hit head first on the pavement. He had no bike insurance or medical insurance. He had a couple beers a few hours before, so he didn't want to get a DUI on top of everything else. He refused medical attention at the scene, and my parents drove him back to our house. His sweatshirt was torn up and had road rash all over his body. When we took his sweatshirt off, his elbow was the size of a baseball. Every five minutes he was asking, "Sara, where's my driver's license? I can't find it." He asked this same question over and over again. My mom stayed up with him all night to watch him, waking him up every once in a while to make sure that he was okay. Early that morning I had to go to court for my shoplifting charge, so I was in court when my mom took him to Urgent Care. They refused to help him and said he had to go to the Emergency Room to get help since it was a head injury. After court, I met my mom and brother Jacob at the hospital. After a couple of hours, they finally had some results. He had fractured his skull from forehead down to the nape of his neck. He had also shattered his elbow, but they couldn't operate on his arm until they knew his head injury was stable. They said that they would have to take him in for brain surgery because the fracture is sitting on top of a major vein that was bleeding. We called my dad and the rest of my family to come down to see him before he went in to surgery. My dad was on his second attempt of getting a divorce, but decided that he needed support from his wife, so he brought Jennifer with him. My dad cried and cried and cried. I'm sure he was crying because he felt guilty for not having a relationship with any of us. After another MRI scan before he went into surgery, the doctors told us that they weren't going to go through with the surgery because the vein looked like it was clotting itself. They also said that they were going to fly him out to Harborview in Seattle because if the vein burst, there wasn't enough doctors in the hospital to save him. As they were prepping AJ to get flown out, we went home to pack our bags and get ready to drive to Seattle. It felt like the longest car ride of my life. Since my dad works for the railroad, they paid for a suite at a hotel downtown near the hospital. AJ was in the hospital from Wednesday to Saturday. We hung out at the hospital for the majority of that time. After he got released from the hospital, we took him back to the suite to shower and rest in bed. My dad and Jennifer had left earlier to go shop around downtown. When they came back, my dad showed AJ that he bought him a new blue Mariner's sweatshirt. AJ said thanks and set it down. My dad immediately got mad and said that AJ wasn't appreciative of anyone coming out to Seattle to make sure that he was okay and stormed out. Jennifer had texted my mom telling her to come downstairs and have a drink at the bar, that AJ is a big boy and can take care of himself, and he will be fine if we leave him in the hotel room. My mom got really upset and we packed up our things. We drove around Seattle looking for another hotel to stay in. We had found one, but it was way too small. We had to pack up our things again and find a second hotel. By this time, it was about 10 PM and AJ was exhausted from coming off of the morphine. When we got to the second hotel room, my step mom Jennifer started texting AJ saying that he was unappreciative of anything and that he needs to grow up and let my mom go out and have fun while she's in Seattle, etc. My sister Danell started texting her and speaking for all of us. We didn't talk to my dad for at least six months after we got back from Seattle.

AJ in the hospital in Seattle

There was a lot of details that I have left out due to it being too personal or for the sake of this being extra long, but this is at least 90% of what has happened in my life from my point of view.

Fast forward to present day. My step dad has bought Kenneth three cars, paid for his car to get out of impound twice, and bailed him out of jail. Kenneth has three kids; two with his wife and one with his current girlfriend who is engaged to different guy, who is in jail. Jennifer is married to Steven, who is in jail again. She is currently living off of one of her friends while her son stays at Steven's mom's house. He bought Julie a car and paid for the maintenance on it. Julie is on felony probation, so she doesn't really do a whole lot. In total, my step dad's kids owe him around $7,000 to $8,000 between the three of them. He will never see any of that money. My dad is still married to Jennifer, even though he says that he's going to try and get a divorce, again. Fourth time's the charm, right? Even after she put a restraining order against him for seven months, he is still living with her. He has been trying to build a relationship with all of us. I just don't feel like he's my dad. I have zero connection with him, and I don't know if I ever will. I'm working on trying to forgive him for everything that he's done. Not having a dad growing up has really affected me in a massive way. I'm still best friends with Amber. Her and I have been through thick and thin, shop lifting, and run ins with the police, and I wouldn't change our friendship for the World. I consider her to be my only true friend at the moment.

In total, I have gained about 130 pounds over the past six years from stress and depression, according to my doctor. I have been working hard to try and find something that works for me so I can lose all of it and get back to a healthy weight. It's been really hard, especially when my step dad is constantly reminding me of the weight I've gained. I have chosen to be single for the past six years so I could give myself enough time to really find myself and discover what I really want in life. I still don't know if I'm ready to have a relationship. It takes a lot of hard work. When I really like talking to someone, I want to talk to them every chance I get. When I really like hanging out with someone, I want to spend all of my free time with them. It's not something that I control, but some people take it as being clingy or attached when it's just me being excited over something new.

Over the past year or so, Amber and I have really grown and helped each other become more positive towards people and life. I'm thankful for Amber and everyone else who has been my friend, even if it's just been for a month. "Some people should be around your entire life and others should just make an appearance."

My beautiful best friend Amber

I am loyal, passionate, resourceful, observant, and dynamic. I am jealous, obsessive, suspicious, manipulative, emotional, and unyielding. I am not a very trusting person. I always second guess anyone's intentions. I do not believe most things that people say. I may be smiling most of the time, but I am hurting inside every day. I am working on that.

Self Portrait January 2012

A lot of people are quick to judge me, but most of them just don't understand that I have been through a lot. I'm not complaining because I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today unless all of this happened. "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his/her shoes."

If you took time out of your day to read this, I'm sure that we are all ready friends. If we aren't close friends, then push me to talk to you more or hang out more. I've really grown as a person, and I'm just trying to live one day at a time. I'm used to being alone, so it's easy for me to push people away. Don't let me.